Daily Archives: July 2, 2019

Space cadets look up and go oooh.

Dear Elon,

Should I call you Mr Musk? No, too formal. Anyhow, stop changing the subject.

Now look here my man. I’m really quite irritated, possibly slightly cross with you and your SpaceX people.

The boy and I planned our trip to Florida months ago. Months! And we were deliberately pretty baggy in the itinerary department apart from one date: 22nd June. IE: The date you said they would be sending a fat Falcon rocket – whoosh! – out into space. So we booked a hotel in why-the-hell-else-would-you-stay-there-ville, NW Florida on the “Space Coast” with the primary intent of watching an enormous firework go fizzing into the sky (and – pinkies crossed – not going bang) at midnight or thereabouts.

Here’s the trip:

  • Arrive in Florida? Check
  • Drive a free-wheeling 1,200 mile road-trip? Check
  • Avoid getting comprehensively sunburned? Check.
  • Get bitten half-to-death by bugs? Check. (Click here.)
  • Gators? Theme Park? Manatees? Dolphins? Rays? Burgers? Thunderstorms? Clear Blue Skies? Check, check, checky, checkedy-check check-arama.
  • An amazing day at the Kennedy Space Centre on the eve of the 50th anniversary of the Apollo program? Big fat check.
  • T minus a few days for the night-time Falcon Heavy launch? Er, Elon, we have a problem.

Yes, yes, yes, I know safety, getting it right, leaving nowt to chance and whatnot is critical/no laughing matter, but delaying the launch by two days? Er, hell-oh? That’s only the 24th. Aka the night we fly back to Blighty on a blummin’ non-refundable-amendable BA flight.

Do you see my problem? We turned up on time. And your rocket was where exactly? Hmm? No, no, I’ll wait… _______? Precisely.

Not on my good man. Not. On.

The chances of me being on the Space Coast with my son for a launch again are more remote than Cape Canaveral is from civilisation. (Although I’ll grant you the vast coastal wilderness location makes it an amazing accidental nature reserve. Plus a generous oops-there-goes-m’rocket blast zone… c’mon you are fooling no-one: it was envisaged/zoned off  so the Reds-under-the-beds of the cold war USofA couldn’t peek at your tech’. America was a by-word for paranoia back then hey? These days that’s a thing of the pas… oh.)

And we missed the Apollo 11 Duran Duran gig.*

Seriously, to borrow your former-colony parlance, duuude.

NB: I’ve used italics and bold by way of emphasis in this letter which is as close to pure rage for us buttoned-up Brits let-me-tell-you. If I don’t get a handwritten reply within 10 days I might just write to The Times (“of London” as you Americans insist on saying as if there might be another “The Times”). Don’t underestimate how bothered we are here: we are talking DEFCON somewhat peeved.

Yours really rather miffed-ly

Ian & Mog

PS: Well done SpaceX on a successful mission.

*  Duran Duran? Is it me or is that a slightly random band choice?

Notwithstanding “Concert tickets are $300 and include parking. Ticket offers admission to the concert only and does not permit early admission to the visitor complex.”




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