Monthly Archives: June 2020

When the world isn’t your lobster: help a kid out?

Offspring #1 had a splendid plan for the infamous gap year. (That glorious time between finishing school and starting university in 2021.)

In point of fact she was due to fly to Cal-if-horn-eye-eh on Sunday and start her summer vacation job on 1st July. Tickets bought, red tape tidied away, forms completed, decks cleared, worries neatly stored: ready to roll.

The genesis of this plan was germinated years ago and the job secured in 2019. I don’t recall having ever bought a flight ticket so far in advance. Talk about vision, mission and intent being aligned. Girl with a plan. (Plus proud, expectant parents bursting with hope.)

But wai… 2020.

2020 had other ideas.

As the roller-coaster year progresses, we are mercifully in good health, yet seriously crestfallen.

From here on the last day of June 2020 I note that California has reported a significant uptick in the number of COVID-19 cases. Social spaces are being re-closed and people are being locked down 2.0.

There is no perpetrator blame in this situation* but there is a strong sense of victim in the air. A sense of unfairness if you will.

Imagine you were eighteen right now and were striving to burst through that long anticipated finish-line tape of the education marathon only to be hideously thwarted. It’s bad enough being a parent and watching – powerless – but even worse for J.

So I write this as a kind of parental catharsis (above) and as an advertisement (below) for offspring.

Active, bright, friendly, articulate eighteen year English student seeks gap year adventure. Willing to undertake paid employment to facilitate travel and new experiences on planet earth. Brilliant with kids and a strong work ethic. Well travelled and sensible, needs to be back in the UK for September 2021.

If you or any of your network have any ideas or suggestions for a kid interrupted, drop a note in the comments below or contact the Beers directly.

We are waiting for your response. Feel free to be awesome.

*clearly PM Johnson and the Cummings crew have a lot to answer for, not to mention the omnishambles in the White House.

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Destination… Music

Whilst lock-down seems to be over for many – and apparently never applied (to a self selecting) some – we are staying at home.

Because? Well, there’s society, respect for the NHS, family health and other things the selfish can’t seem to grasp such as actual common sense.

That said, stir craziness is present. So much so that I’m starting to hear destinations/locations in almost every song… just me?

So in lieu of actually going anywhere, here are some songs with destinations in the title*. And they are not even glamorous/exotic.

*Sorta. Kinda. With a hat tip to those who contributed to a comedy pile-on some years ago…

Instructions: Feel free to sing out loud (as a treat to those in earshot).

Cliff Richard: It’s so funny, that we don’t York anymore.

David Essex: A Winter’s Sale

On the Windsor love: Jeffrey Osborne

Can you Theale the love tonight: Elton John

Carly Simon: Newbury does it better

Montell Jordan: This is Slough we do it

Ticket to Ryde: Beatles

The sun Ascot it’s hat on

Dundee bloody Dundee: U2

Highway to… Road to… Bat out of… Helston/Hull

Knutsford City Limits: Ike and Tina Turner

Yazz: The only way is Thrupp (baby)

Elkie Brookes: Poole if you think it’s over

Beatles: I am the Walsall

Dexy’s: Carmarthen Eileen

Anglesea in the UK! Sex Pistols

The Thirsk cut is the deepest

York So Vain: Carly Simon

Nirvana: Smells like Sheen spirit

Everything Moscow: Manic Street Preachers

Shania Twain: “Man(ton), I feel like a Woman” & Steppenwolf “Ogbourne to be wild” (a wee shout out to the Marlborough crowd there)

She sells Canterbury: The Cult

You can leave your Hatton: Tom Jones

Jesus Christchurch Superstar

And from across the sea:

Stairway to Cavan

Willie Nelson/Pet Shop Boys: Galways on my mind

Ian Dury: Hit me with your Limerick

Back to the UK:

Dr Hook: If I said you had a beautiful Bury would you hold it against me?

Raspberry Bury: Price

Black box: Bright-on time

Kylie: Can’t get you out of Minehead

James Blunt: You’re Budeiful

Marvin Gaye: Sexual Ealing

Slough Can You Mend A Broken Heart? Bee Gees

Roberta Flack/Donny Hathaway: Ware is the Love?

U2: Even Better Than The Rhyl Thing

Elvis Costello: Watchet the detectives

Surrey seems to be the hardest word

Nights in Prestatyn

Stairway to Devon

Brighouse in your soul: They Might Be Giants

Wirral Lie To You: Charles and Eddie

Got to get you into my Fife: The Beatles

Wham! Wakefield up before you go go

Jackie Wilson Said (I’m in Govan) – Dexy’s Midnight Runners

Jackson 5: Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, blame it on the Bootle

Harrow Goodbye: Soft Cell

Jennifer Rush: The Gower of Love

Huey Lewis & the news: The Gower of love

Frankie Goes to Hollywood: The Gower of Love.

OMFG I really want to go to the Gower.

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